The American Sign Museum in Cincinnati, Ohio has changed me. Well, that’s a dumb thing to say about a museum of signs, huh? I mean, these are metal, wooden, neon signs I’m talking about, not signs from a divine power (read that last part with an echo).
And yet, I am changed. I used to look at quirky, off-beat museums like Cincinnati’s American Sign Museum as nothing but a cheap way to kill time while you wait for the bars to open. You consistently see this sort of thing in vague, mostly worthless articles plainly titled “Things to do in [City]” taking up space where, let’s be real, you’d rather just see some more bars listed.
Just because it’s a “thing to do” in that city, doesn’t infer that it’s a worthwhile thing to do. There are lots of “things to do” in my local garbage dump as well, but would I recommend you spend your hard-earned vacation time there? Well, I don’t like to assume since I don’t know you that well, but Imma say NO.
On my recent trip to Cincinnati I decided to take a chance on the American Sign Museum that, yes, I saw on many a “Things to do in Cincinnati” list. I thought the visuals of it would make for some interesting photos but, in all honesty, we were just waiting for one of the local breweries to open.
Quirky but interesting
However, this museum for which I had dismally low expectations ended up completely altering my view of the minor league museum scene. What I thought was going to be “quirky” was actually hella interesting. My friends and I left the place stupefied at how awesome this museum is. Like, with visible shock on our faces as we hightailed it to happy hour.
The American Sign Museum renewed my faith in the museum system and showed me that even something as everyday as a motel marquee has a history, a social commentary, and a science all of its own. It has me reconsidering all sorts of things I previously thought were silly.
In short, despite all preconceived notions Cincinnati’s American Sign Museum BLEW. OUR. MINDS. In long, well that’s what this post is for.
1. The History
I know, signs right? Big whoop. What’s there to know about signs? They have letters that spell words. Some of the time, correctly. Sometimes they point to something. Maybe they blink.
Signs are universal. Everyone uses signs. I have a sign hanging at an entrance to my house that says “No admittance except on party business.” That let’s everyone visiting know that I’m a huge-ass nerd. What’s there to know about signs, you ask? Turns out, a lot.
At the American Sign Museum you’ll learn everything you didn’t know you needed to know about signs. You’ll learn the ins and outs of signs, both literally and metaphorically, and you’ll realize what a fool you were for thinking there was nothing worth knowing about signs.
At the American Sign Museum you’ll learn the complete (modern-ish) history of signs:
2. The Tour
For starters, the museum is set up to look like a Main Street from the good ol’ days. Fire hydrants and lampposts along a brick road, mock storefronts, and the promise of wicked cheap hamburgers. You’ll instantly be yearning for the ‘50s and ‘60s where you can live out all your wildest Mad Men fantasies.
The American Sign Museum prioritizes their guided tours over general admission. I was apprehensive about this at first because of my hindered ability to pay attention and my high probability of asking way too many questions. Turns out, they made a believer out of me.
Why the tour is so great
Amazing tour guides
But besides the way the tour makes you feel, you’ll love how it noticeably makes the tour guide feel. The guides at the American Sign Museum obviously love what they do. They clearly have a passion for signs and can tell you (almost)* anything you want to know about them. The museum is organized by time period and includes information placards, and, my favorite, old black and white pictures of the signs you’re looking at on the buildings they used to be on.
*I did manage to accidentally stump our tour guide with a light bulb-related question. But, before we left he did some research to find the answer for me. There was no way he was gonna let me leave without knowing how black lights work.
After the tour
After the guided tour, you’re welcome to roam about the museum independently–like a wildebeest on the African plains or a grown-ass woman in the wine section of Costco. Feel free to check out any signs not covered on the tour, take more pictures, and discuss with your friends how unbelievably awesome the American Sign Museum is while your tour guide runs to Google your previous, unanswered question about black lights.
3. The Sensory Overload
With its overwhelming barrage of blinking bulbs, flashing lights, and bright colors, the American Sign Museum has all the excitement and flair of a casino floor. It’ll take you back to all those exhilarating nights you spent chasing the odds as a high roller in Las Vegas Atlantic City Tunica, Mississippi.
But while a casino is full of screams, ding-ding-dings, and however you’d write the sound the slot machine makes when you pull the arm down, the American Sign Museum is mostly quiet. The only sounds you can hear: the buzzing of the neon and the clicking of the blinking bulbs. To stand in the rooms surrounded by all of this is a truly unique experience. The fact that I found a nickel in the parking lot and walked away 5 cents richer is just a coincidence.
4. You Can Go Behind-the-Scenes
After your guided tour of the American Sign Museum, they give you the option of sticking around and heading into the workshop for an up-close lesson on how they make neon signs. In a continuing effort to always get my money’s worth, I opted to check this out. And this two-part demonstration was awesome!
The first guy demonstrates (on actual signs he’s making for actual commissioned projects) how he assembles and shapes the glass tubes for neon lighting. There’s fire and tools and neat tricks and absolutely no gloves or safety goggles anywhere. To say the potential danger of it all was thrilling would be an understatement.
The second half of the demonstration involved the other sign maker showing us how they add neon and argon gasses to the tubes and, again: warnings all over the place, no shits given. These two demonstrations took about an hour total and it was worth every second.
Behind-the-scene demonstrations
These behind-the-scenes demonstrations were my favorite part. Being behind the workbenches, shown one-on-one how it all comes together right before our eyes was such a unique experience that you don’t get at any other museum.
The people at the American Sign Museum really love their craft and their desire to spread this enthusiasm is palpable. They just let you right into their workshop! There are staples and tar and flames everywhere. This isn’t some two-bit demonstration in front of a passing tour group; this is personalized, up-close, and potentially face-melting exposure to trade secrets.
5. It’ll Change You
So I said the American Sign Museum changed me and I meant it. Immediately after leaving the museum my friends and I were commenting on all the neon signs we came across. I mean, could life be more perfect for a group of friends about to hit up a bunch of bars?
After your visit, you’ll do the same. You’ll notice how the signs you see are shaped and lit; you’ll notice how particular logos haven’t changed in 60 years; and you’ll brag about knowing how to form letters from glass tubes. I know something you don’t know!
It’ll be like knowing some real American secrets, having knowledge on a subject that no one knows anything about. You’ll walk by the sign at the Shell station and give it a little wink like, “I know where you came from…”
The American Sign Museum has also motivated me to check out countless other lesser-known American museums. Where I once stuck strictly to the Louvres, the Mets, the National Galleries of the world, I’m now more open to giving the little guys a shot.
More info for your trip to Cincinnati
Like this post? Have questions about the American Sign Museum? Let me know in the comments below. Have fun in Ohio!
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